It's Not Always You.

Another Friday night riding lesson. "I don't want to go." This was the thought rolling around my mind on a rainy October evening. The anxiety that I had been wrestling with all week was taking its' toll on me physically & mentally. You know that I'm having a really bad day when I'm considering skipping a riding lesson. But, David is home on time today & has promised to go with me to help get Endy, the lovely chestnut Warmblood gelding that I have the pleasure of riding, ready for my lesson. I pull on my breeches & lace up my paddock boots. Zip up my half chaps. Grab my riding helmet. Ready or not, here we go.

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The anxiety doesn't settle while I'm tacking up, nor does it settle (like it usually does) when I sit into the saddle & ask Endy for a walk to help warm up our chilly muscles on this autumnal evening. We start out tracking left in the arena. My leg is all over the place. I'm tense. I'm not focusing on the horse. Time to pick up the pace.The trot is now terrible & lazy. Halfway through, my coach stops me to help me work on a better leg position at a stand still.

Feeling more settled, we pick up again at the trot. As we carry on around the ring, my coach says to me, "You know, sometimes it's the horse that's making the mistake. It's not always you." Such a simple statement: it's not always you.

This had me thinking about times where I have taken on other people's mistakes, emotions, expectations and so on as my own when they really weren't about me! How often do I take a reaction personally? An acquaintance avoids me at a social gathering? It must be me. Make a "mistake" while riding? It must be me.

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But what if it's not always me? In all relationships in life, it takes the interactions of two people. Two people with different perceptions. Two people with independent thought processes. Two people with different family upbringings & potentially different worldviews. Two people with different life experiences.

Or in this case, a horse & a human working together to make a beautiful ride happen. The truth of the matter is that we BOTH were making mistakes. Endy & I both learned from each other that night. There were moments where I was schooling him (like in the spooky corner near the arena door) & moments where he was schooling me (like patiently taking me over jumps again, & again, & again until I could get my canter right.) We needed each other's help in order to be successful as a team.

The key phrase being: a team. When we are in relationship with others, we are in it together. We take care of each other. We keep each other safe. We learn from each other. Sometimes it is you, but it's not ALWAYS you. Don't take the joy out of your relationships by placing untrue ultimatums on yourself. We're all learning. It isn't always you.

A riding lesson & a life lesson all in one hour. Jen, you're seriously undercharging ;)

xo, Alyssa