Be Still and Know

My neck and shoulders are sore.

I’ve cancelled my riding lesson because of it. The pain feels like a cap on this fiercely independent, can-do woman today, and I hate being inhibited by aches and pains.

And everything is rubbing me the wrong way. From traffic in town, to the messy kitchen, spending so much time inside due to COVID-19, and to the incessant buzz from the hedge trimming in our condo complex. I need to escape.

Like a caged hurting and afraid animal, I look for an exit point from the overwhelming emotions that I feel.

On the verge of frustrated tears, I force myself to get out of the house and go on a walk. “Maybe this will loosen up my neck and shoulders a bit,” I think to myself as I lace up my running shoes.

As I walk to a nearby trail, I pour out the litany of frustrations that are on my heart to the Lord. Silently whispering my complaints, fears, pain and questions of “why” to Him.

As I started to wind my way down my favourite path, in and among the covering of the trees, I said to God, “I know that there are people who are experiencing far worse things than I am today, Lord. I know that while this could be a lot better, it could also be a lot worse. Even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, I know how much you love me and care about me. Can you use my pain (that’s both physical and emotional right now) to somehow bring glory to your name?”

I continue walking down the trail, listening to the crunch of gravel beneath my feet and the fluttering of wind blown leaves. At the end of the path is an open field where baseball games would normally be under way. I feel drawn to go sit on the grass for a few minutes.

It’s quiet on the grass today. Left alone with my thoughts and the wind, I breathe in and out. I let my senses be filled with the simple beauty surrounding me.

As the wind shifts, I can hear that still, small voice speaking to me: “Be still and know that I AM. Yesterday, today and forever more.”

A rush of warmth and peace fills my soul, and I know that God has heard my cries from moments earlier. I find rest and renewal in His presence. I even find the ability to quietly sing God a hymn of praise in this moment.

As I rise up to leave, I hear Him say “Thank you for sharing all that is on your heart with me today. I love it when you do that.”

Insert ugly crying here.

So much mercy and grace poured out over me in that single moment.

So much compassion and love.

As I walked away, I noticed that my neck and shoulders weren’t as sore as before. My step was a little lighter. My hope revitalized by the truth of His love.

So take heart, friend. God sees. God hears. God cares so deeply about every little thing in our hearts and lives. Keep on seeking Him.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me;

he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant;

their faces are never covered with shame.”

Psalm 34: 4-5

“Taste and see that the Lord is good;

blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”

Psalm 34:8

xo, Alyssa